Homonyms!

Alright, the last round saw a tie between "Annie" and "Sterling," two of my blondest friends. You'll recall the clues:

Altercation between rodents?
Problem with teaching stupid kids?
Treat's ability?
Door to a squirrel's abode?
Spooky bird's nest?

Their answers (Annie/Sterling):

rat spat / mice mess
idiots shitiots / fool foul
nice rice / dessert desert
nest / port hole's portals
scary aerie / an armpit!!!!!

The right answers:

Squirrels' quarrel
(or Mouse grouse)
Students too dense
Snack's knack
Entry in tree
Eerie aerie

Thanks for playing!

RoboCop

Not that I care, but has anyone ever noticed how sweet and effeminate RoboCop's lips are? Behind that hard chrome exterior there's little pieces of a little boy with a nice, pretty mouth.

Daddy Ash

Brendan Ash's blog is slowly charming me to death. Everyone makes fun of him because he's so old, but really I just wish there was more time to get to know him before he dies. Ditch those Belle and Sebastian losers and come to Annapolis, buddy!

Detective novels

He was supposed to be enjoying his vacation, but apparently retired private investigator Dick Jonathan's reputation preceded him...And so did notorious armed goon Roonie Mulane!

The cashier at Best Buy had asked hardnosed crimesolver Norton Tendicks if he wanted to buy a warranty. But he didn't want insurance...he wanted answers!

Hired thugs and a kilogram of bad cocaine were all private eye Tim Dickman needed to find waiting in his office on the day his last paycheck bounced!

Ace Ventura, pet detective...!

Private investigator Ginnie Dicks wouldn't really have described herself as oversexed...Until she saw herself in a snuff film and had to fuck her way to the truth!

Evicted, shot in the face, freshly divorced...But why did notary public Alvaro Penis get the feeling something wasn't quite right?

When hard-drinking public defender Schlong Fergusson lost his most recent death case, he thought the mystery was solved...But one thing still bothered him: who drank all his booze?

Yesterday

I woke up crying. Isn't that weird?

The homonym game

Most of you know this game. You get a clue and the answer is a set of homonyms. Here are some bad examples:

The entire emptiness? Whole hole.
The only being? Sole soul.

The relationship between the clue and the answer is sometimes like the one you roll your eyes at when you're doing a crossword puzzle. So the answer isn't always exactly synonymous with the clue. I also like answers that aren't strict homonyms, or they're a stretch, literally. More bad examples:

Arborial snack? Tree treat.
Soda for a tree? Oak Coke.

Onto the game!

Altercation between rodents?
Problem with teaching stupid kids?
Treat's ability?
Door to a squirrel's abode?
Spooky bird's nest?

My weight problem

I've spent a long time cultivating a good, unhealthy body image. This is important as sometimes it makes me reconsider making bad choices. I mean, not like I'm going to quit smoking or drinking until I puke anytime soon. Even though sometimes I shake in the morning. And although recent reports describe me as "mean" when I'm drunk, I was blacked out for the episodes in question, which nullifies them.

But anyway, I have a weight problem. Not the regular kind. I set out about two months ago to gain weight, and instead it has plummeted. For a little while I was watching the scale tick up, ever so slowly, but those pounds have vanished and they've taken some others with them. Here's the chart:



No, I didn't lose a limb there in that last part. Is it cancer? Do I need to drink more? I'm not a doctor but there is a strong case to be made, based on the chart, that I'm going to disappear sometime in November!